on a plane again. in transit, in time, in effort to get from one place to another. the all-too-familiar taste of canned air marked by the constant turbine roar. a plethora of point As and point Bs from the past couple of months bubble up, bringing me back to an old mantra:

connecting the dots.

on my way back to nyc for thanksgiving for the first time in years. keeping in theme with the blessed simplicity of the holiday, I’ve got much to be thankful for.

setting roots in florida has been an interesting experience, not for the lack of fertile soil. i’ve been blessed by the presence of a handful of extremely supportive natives, so to speak, that have welcomed me to their strange, new land and show me how to work it. the potential for a cold, challenging winter was definitely high, especially for a nomad looking to find safe harbor after a worldwide whirlwind journey.

during my time in town in September, there were a few red carpets unrolled.

‘dude, I’ve been praying for a power base co-teacher to come help me build up the community down here. for years. seriously, scott… years. if you come down here, I will do everything I can to help get you set up. stay at my place. drive my car. use my scooter. you can even rock my longboard. beach life is fun. get up on this shit.’

sounds great, ari. how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘love, we need a strong, safe make yoga teacher like yourself down here. there’s a lot of space and potential for a guy like yourself teaching what you’re looking to teach. I’d love to have you on staff here at red pearl yoga. do it. DO IT!’

well, karen, how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘scott, that was an amazing session. I’m really interested in what you’re doing, and think it relates directly to what I work with. the idea of building trust through a practice conscious exploration of movement is a powerful offering, and combined with a strong theoretical understanding of self-empowerment, the potential for creating great things for a great many people is huge. I’d love to explore that with you.’

i feel the same way, ruben, how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘scotty, it would be so great to have you nearby. you don’t even have to visit all that much. just knowing you’re a phone call away makes me simile. you can come over for dinner anytime you want.’

that’s very sweet, gramma, how can i turn down an offer like that?

dot after dot after dot appeared, and a very detailed picture began to reveal itself. there was a great deal of dots to connect, mind you, but i could make out a very real picture of home. it took it as a good sign that the dots began to connect themselves while i was out of the country.

the picture is there. i just need to stay committed to putting pen of choice to the paper of immediate destiny. with a little effort, the right amount of time and dedication, sooner or later that picture will become more and more complete. simple enough, right?

right.
well, more like right now.
for right now, i’m sure-unsure. i know exactly what needs to be done, yet am not sure how to do it. i’m sure i want to do it, but i’m not sure i really want to.

i’m meta-sure.

there is a great potential for most basic tasks performed by most beings of complexity to go from molehill to mountain due to an inability to stay committed simplicity. that last sentence is a perfect example. instead of spending figuring out the clearest (dare i say cleverist?) way to thread words together, i could have easily just have said the following:

when it comes to connecting the dots, we tend to complicate things.

and whoooooo boy, there is a large part of me that really wants to conduct a symphony of second-guesses and doubts strummed across sensitive heartstrings.

maybe you know the scenario: the picture is obvious—it’s not fully there, but we see it. often, it’s even given a title: a day at the beach, fun at the zoo, building a home. all we need to do is pick up a pen to connect those little steps and poof!—a clear image appears. then again, what type of pen should we use? do we have to do it all now? what if it gets boring? what if I mess up? do i really wanna do this?

just seeing the dots sometimes seems good enough. it’s a duck, of course, why do i need waste my time? why not just look at a photo of a duck than have to create my own boxy-looking duck?

thankfully, there is a much larger part of me that observes this other part, and effectively uses that feedback to support the process of settling in. hence, meta-sure… oh, i’m sure i wanna do exactly what I’m doing, but it would be a complete lie to say that I’m 100% sure all the time.

of course, i experience doubt. on a daily basis, no less. it brings me closer to the picture at hand. it means i care about what’s going on, about the success, about the journey, about the process of doing whatever it is i’m doing. both sides of the surface reflect extremes in each direction while maintaining clarity in fluid balance.

or something like that.

i’m a nomad that dreams of home, an equanimous yogi and a fiery Gemini. a stable tree and agile monkey. meta-sure and mighty ready.

        

'you are a-number-one rambo, sir. number one rambo.'

that’s a new one, i thought to myself while brushing white saharan dust off my hands onto my pants. the past few years have yielded a few choice gems by way of enthusiastic complimentary statements issued by excited locals. to date, however, the 'stallone' category had yet to be created.

10 points, egpyt.

admittedly, i was perplexed, and began the walk back to the car from the sphinx, past the pyramids, and through a cavalry of camel-jockeys (seriously) trying to figure out exactly why rambo was invoked. did rambo ever do an handstand in the middle of a desert? i don't  think so. at any point did rambo wear a white 'chit happens' buddha tshirt while juggling small german women around on his hands and feet? nope. does rambo wear glasses?

it had to have been the camouflage shorts. yeah, and the long hair. that's it.

thankfully, or should i say 'as timing would have it', i would not spend much time thinking about rambo because moments later a man on a donkey selling hand-carved sheba cats issued an equally rare gem...

'aaaah, very nice. look at hogan over there walking with two beautiful women. hogan is very strong man, very lucky man.'

rambo was quickly shuffled off onto the backburner as i debated whether he meant 'hulk' or 'paul' as the suffix to hogan. which catchphrase best compliments my style?

hulk-- 'train, say your prayers, and eat your vitamins! be true to yourself, true to your country, be a real american!'

paul-- 'that's not a knife... THAT's a knife!'

...

egypt is a beautiful country in many respects, and quite deserving of the storied majesty it's history easily evokes. this time around, i only had a chance to see the slack gaze of pillow-soft resort life overlooking the red sea in ain el souknha, followed by 48 hour hectic blink of cairo's metropolitan sprawl.

ain el souknha: beach. sun. crystal clear water. yoga. snore.

cairo: 22. million. people.

guess which one i liked more?

it's a big city, cario is. it felt like the biggest one i've been in yet. one really gets that 'raindrop in an ocean' feeling of hourglass flow, an integral part of an organism living, breathing, driving, expanding, alive. cleaner than mumbai, more spread out than istanbul, as 24 hour as nyc used to be. this is no cityscape to jaunt through. its quixotic curves and voluminous structure begs one to meander, to relax into a state of ready awareness. the traffic is a blend of ho chi min's volume and india's acceptance where 8 lane highways can instantly surge to 11 or 12, and at any given time pedestrians will dart across them with little more than three raised fingers for protection from an 80kph traffic swam.

my mother would hate driving here. my father would excel.

it's hot. dry hot. blazing hot, making multiple shady chai and shisha breaks necessary and welcome. cairo is a muslim city, so five times a day sallah echo out across the vibrant expanse. many people stop. many don't. one hand opens while the other closes. nothing is dropped. pace. pattern. peaceful chaos. organization on autopilot.

when we made it to khan kalili, the bazaar district, two more men called me rambo. i wasn't even doing a handstand.

'you are rambo. sir. rambo look in my shop.'

why am i rambo?

'you are big rambo. tell me how i can take your money.'

dinner and a movie?

'i make shooting and kill you. haHA!! rambo, big man come look my shop.'

i'm going to leave now.

(what a perfect time to have my paul hogan knife)

everything in this bizarre bazaar was authentic, even the fake rolexes and jewelery. i learned that in egypt, the way to prove that something is real (super quality! this is real! i make no lies.) is to take a lighter to it. if it doesn't go up in flames or turn black, it is therefore real and i should make no hesitation in purchasing it at the original quoted price. pashmina shawls, silver necklaces, hand-tooled leather wallets.

i breathed a deep sigh of contentment. hagglemonsters, your fierce bargaining skills cannot defeat me.

here i sit in the cairo airport, preparing to enter the final leg of a two year adventure. tonight dubai. two weeks later, on october 26th, 2009, i return to NYC with full intention to settle down. target base of operations: south beach, miami.

stay tuned for more on that later.

 

in flight,

.s.

 

 

 

        

the original intention in creating this blog was simple: chronicle the experiences of my travels outside of new york city. after uprooting 10 years of fundamentals, things were about to get even more interesting. my goal was to be as straightforward and honest as possible in recoding the adventure in order to fully understand it, not to pull punches, hyper-inflate, or downplay anything that happened. we're talking true journalistic integrity here, people. a shift to reportage instead of planning.

that lasted about 36 hours. maybe 40.

have you ever blogged before? i often feel it is the internet equivalent of a self-indulgent narcissist masturbating publicly in front of a mirror. 'ooooh yeah... man, i look good. this FEELS good. it's all good. people want to read the things that i write because my experiences are so interesting, so REAL. my life is totally worth watching because i am superiorly interesting.'

when i left nyc, i had something to prove. to my family, my friends, to all of the circles i ran in (and ran around in), to my ex-girlfriend, to the job i left behind... and most importantly, to myself.  there was all this space around me that needed filling, and i aimed to do just that-- fill up my experience pocket with as much life as i could possible jam in there.

oh, and jam i did. to be fair, there wasn't really much jamming necessary. things flowed so fluidly, with a satisfying viscosity on all fronts. my engine purred and my tires devoured the path. the jamming only came in handy when obstacles rose up from time to time, and sure enough, i became quite good at convincing round holes to accept pegs of various of shapes and sizes.

before i go any further, two things should be noted:
a) i haven't updated my blog in about 6 months, during which time many, many, many incredibly huge events have risen and passed which have had an immense impact on my life.
b) the reason behind this is that i have been in the process of re-launching theuniverseisbig.com, and didn't want to add anything new to the old system that would have to be inevitably entered into the new one.

the re-launch is still happening-- it is almost done, in fact. however, this isn't about that at all.

you'll have to understand that at first, a small part of me had felt like i had fallen behind on my work, on the commitment to prove everything to everyone...

'hey, guess what world?! scott's alive and totally killin' it right now. holla!'

...i've come to realize that this voice was much, much louder when i first started. over the course of the past two years it has softened, streamlined. although, i should note-- to be fair-- were one to actually chart the volume and sincerity of this voice, it would most definitely not be a straight line between two points.

so in order to update my blog, i've have to manually re-enter every individual blog entry by hand... er, mouseclick-cut-and-paste. this means i've had the definitive pleasure of rereading 160 entries that (more or less) have followed the path i've taken since october 2007. there are some diamonds in there, for sure. there is also a lot of bullshit. i love both equally.

i realize that radio silence i've maintained over the past six months have been entirely self-imposed. basically, i took a break from masturbating in front of the mirror with the blinds down, washed my hands, had a shower, and grabbed a beer before sitting down on the couch to watch the video i had running during the whole experience. apparently i had been filming in high definition because shit looks CRAZY on the 100" lcd i got running in my head.

i moved to india. i got in a motorcycle accident in vietnam. i've toured around the world as an acrobatic yoga instructor. met some amazing people and learned some amazing things. went to burning man twice. i met beautiful women, learned to say i love you in many languages, and inevitably left them. i've lost friends, found them, only to learn that death is a part of life. i have sat in silence for ten days in motionless meditation. i got engaged. swam in oceans all around the world. had jumped jeeps over dunes in the arabian desert, kayaked archipelagos, mountain biked down mighty fjords. i moved to germany for one beautiful summer. successfully completed 5 months worth of yoga teacher training. my heart has been broken, reforged, and pushed to the extent of it's strength. i've lived in so many versions of paradise that the very word itself will never sound the same.

i left my home in nyc on october 27th, 2007. i return to the states with intention to build a new one on october 26th, 2009. in 24 months, i have lived thousands of lives only to begin again with every new day.

it has taken me two years to learn one very important lesson. i have nothing more to prove to my Self. whatever it is, i can do it. the adventures are far from over. it's not like i left nyc because things were boring-- HUGE things happened during my decade there. the same thing applies to the nomadic robes i took on after casting off the metropolitan regalia that served me so well. just as i'll always be a new yorker, part of me will always embrace the wanderlove that has served me so well.

in closing, i should go on record that i don't necessarily feel that i am an internet-based masturbating narcissist, although i have totally been prone to bouts of grandiosity. the bottom line is that i'm fiercely proud of the life i lead and the decisions i make. aren't you?

it should also be clear that i have no intention on stopping the blog either. whether i masturbate or masterfully bake, the main ingredient is love.

there you have it. i'm back and ready for more.

looking forward,

scott.

        

this is the stuff of magic, the infinite space between yesterday and
tomorrow, a rift into which anything and everything fits so perfectly,
so chaotically perfect, at times the puzzle melts seamless and in others
every other piece is missing, when we decide to get off our own laziness
to check between the cushions, but really we don't feel the need to get
up because we're tired from creating, from achieving, from escaping,
from compromising, from understanding, each feather both dusty and dewy
from the various clouds that rise and pass while soaring across that
infinite space of every moment.

does it make a difference, keeping it in, letting it out, trying force a
feeling that's both bliss and confusion? and will it ever end, those
midnight fingers that snap then point then gesticulate in some vague
direction, sometimes clear, sometimes not, towards a greater good, a
greener pasture split by two iron rails that keep the wheels from
spinning too out-of-control? the breath is the fuel and the body an
engine, a vessel cruising across an ocean that surges on and on and on
forever, whenever you turn around it's still there, whispering hints in
absolute, and absolutely not every one is meant for you.

how delicate the line between movement and stillness, how eggshell
intense the fantastic vibration beneath a calm surface.

truthfully, i'm loving it. what keeps me together is the ever-present
smile to be found at all points from peak to valley, start to finish and
back again. it seems that every step is a new chapter lately, at so many
points thinking 'oh yes, this is it, now it's really going to get good'
only to realize that the going has yet even to begin. unclear are the
reasona to move away from a need for constant redefinition, refocusing,
oscillating irises rising and setting in response to varying light, a
train rocketing and rifling through tunnels and closets, bedsheets,
timezones, and high-speed long distance lounge chairs.

greece was spring beautiful after austrian cold and the scatter of
turkish blue-gray, all flowers, olive trees along with the occasional
sunshowers atop castles and aside sweeping cloudy peaks. stockholm had a
spring chill offset by the warmth of new friends, windows open to air
out the dust of an old attic winter, the perfect chance to clear space
for stepping into grace of things to come. our last stop, oslo, our
glorious far-off point that was thought to never come, came and went as
smoothly as those far-off points always do, with excitement and depth,
and plans to return.

so many far-off points come and go, when one passes another rises, my
next one a tiny village in south germany, three times older than the
country of my origin. trading in two zeros, a city of ten million for a
town of ten thousand, give or take. give or take. give or take is a
great question to ask. what do i have to give? what is there to take?
where will my balance reside, yet another ever changing constant, where
will this midpoint between two extremes take root to spread it's wings?
i'm just a big fish perusing pond-front real estate around the world. i
got the stamps to prove it.

who? what? where? when? how? these are the true pillars of magic,
creating such infinite space between here and now. i can't help but
smile, so i will, as if there is nothing else to do, even if there is,
even though, thankfully, there really isn't, for this protagonist wears
not a cape but a broad grin instead, an ever-widening rift into which
everything and anything has an open invitation to fit, vibration
fantastic and fancy-free while rocketing and rifling through the
cushions in search of new inspiration for creation, to achieve a
successful direction for the escape from one extreme towards another, to
find that perfect midpoint for the time being, time being a commodity
that seems to be in extraordinary abundance for a change.

        

man, i've got all these great ideas, you know? i just need to clear the time to do them. having all of these great ideas is a huge responsibility, see, like the world won't be able to really spin the way its supposed to unless i take care of it. oh, they are all totally important, monumental things that are gonna really change things... for the better. i'm serious, here. totally serious.

like for instance, i really fear for the future of the children today. i really, really do. sure, there is that whole global warming thing going on. that's totally a big deal. and let's be honest here, the state of global politics can be really confusing to the normal guy. i read korea fired a missile at the world a few weeks back, but the world was all like, 'pfffft. whatever. we've got a ton of those. nice try, korea. call us when you're ready to talk and maybe we'll listen. lates.' in reality, though, the world probably had trouble sleeping that night. being a tough guy in the daylight is one thing, but when it gets dark out, it gets a lot harder. considering that it's always nighttime somewhere, the world has a lot of answering to do behind closed eyes.

but the future of the children has more to worry about than potentially bad weather and long-range rockets in the hands of the overinflated self-righteous. i'm talking about a real issue, about health. i'm not talking about the plight of the farmer and the circus argument about the true value of the word 'organic'. maybe i should, because we're talking about the future of children here, which is a very important future to take into consideration. i was once a child, really, and i look around sometimes and wonder if anyone took into consideration my future. other times, though,  i look around and want to give everyone a high five 'cause stuff ain't all that bad right now.

well, i guess i should say that stuff ain't all that bad for me, that is. other people, too. i see it when i walk around, talking to the world and hearing what it has to say. i really listen when it talks back, at least, i really try. i'll walk around a mall or a busy street and just let my ears stay open and my mouth stay shut. that's when the real listening happens. the world speaks up when you let it. you should also learn to keep the eyes open for more than just crossing signals and pretty girls and shiny toys. if you're like me, you'll learn pretty fast that it helps to sit down when you really want to listen. the world appreciates that.

so, i've seen a lot of places lately, right? and i let the worldly whisper echo gently into my mind, stoking the fire with these great ideas. i think it must burn in my eyes, because everything looks different afterwards. and it burns in my heart because it keeps me up sometimes late at night, not like it would were i a tough guy. it's harder to be soft than hard, at first. it gets better with time.  now it's time to really change things, to take into consideration the wellness of the future of the children of the world. this fire tells me that, not with whispers but with waving arms that lick the night like the flames they are.

this is an open invitation to join in on this great idea, to help change the world, one child's future at a time.

i'm really worried that those shoes that all the kids are wearing, the ones with the wheels in the heel, are going to seriously screw up their bodies after prolonged use. i really do. i fear for the hips, knees, ankles, and gaits of children who wear heeleys. i watch them scoot around on one of their heels-- they never evenly scoot, from what i can tell-- trailing behind them a vapor trail of physical imbalance for years to come that could result in the need for a hip replacement, or, in the very least, lot's of physical therapy.

look at the facts. the shoes are these huge, frankenstein-heavy shoes with wheels on the heel. it seems that before kids even have a fair chance to learn to walk properly, they get a pair strapped on and are set free to scoot with relative impunity. all of their weight either goes directly through a locked knee into the heel or spent wobbling around on the tips of their toes. for a lot of the children, i'd wager that this is their only form of physical exercise. this weighs heavy on my heart, the clouds that are rapidly forming on the clear horizon of what's to come. the whole flashing-red-lights-on-the-shoe phenomena was bad enough, abuse of which only resulted in a dead battery. are heeley's really worth a hip-replacement surgery at a young age? furthermore, i'm curious as to why nobody has demanded a full report of heeley's-related injuries over the past few years.

my great idea is twofold: either to a) convince someone to design a fully ergonomic version of heeley's that offer full arch support, an airbag, detailed user manual, and automatic shut-off timer, or b) learn to let children, and those who watch out for them, make their own decisions pertaining to their future and let it go. i've got so many more great ideas that could really use the space to grow, so the world better watch out one way or another. if they don't come to life, things might just spin way outta control.

        

admittedly, i've been busy. check out why-- and now where-- at our new website:

www.phoenixflowyoga.com

you can track where i'm going or where i'll be on the upcoming events page, see pictures and video on the-- yup-- pictures and video page, and.... well, the long/short is that you'll get a good idea about what i've been up to for the last year or so.

it's only a beginning, and i think a pretty good one at that.

.looking forward.

        

"it all depends on the fishing situation, really. i suggest that if you
happen to see anyone who looks like a captain, ask them if they can help
you out."

after an overnight bus from istanbul to ayvalik, a quiet seaside town on
the southwestern coast of turkey, this wasn't really what i was hoping
to hear. considering that the bus ride was pretty comfortable-- much
more so than any bus i've ridden on before, actually-- i received the
news rather impartially, if not somewhat easily. seyda, a friend back in
istanbul was being more than accommodating during her commute between
yoga mat and lectern.by calling the ferry office and talking turkish
with the congenial and extremely effeminate young gentleman behind the desk.

anyone who looks like a captian, i see. you mean like rubber boots, a
white beard, and an eyepatch?
"yeah. they might have a boat or something."
naturally.

the workshops in istanbul were a brief stop between austria and our
retreat in lesvos. geographically, it seemed to work out perfectly. a
little research yielded that one can easily and cheaply take a bus to a
ferry instead of flying from istanbul to greece. i mean, why not? i love
me a little adventure now and again, and adventure is what i got. the
fishing situation didn't really work out in our favor, but the upswing
was a quiet night in a lovely pension overlooking a gentle seaside
fishing village. haute coture this season was, oddly enough, rubber
boots and eye-patches. try as we might, however, nobody could do more
than direct us to the company with the internet discrepancy. what. to. do.

i entered greece the next day on an actual sanctioned ferry, just in
time to hop in a cab with two yogis from vienna who came here to take
part on the retreat we're leading, which is now in full swing. we go
until wednesday and then catch a scheduled, official ferry to athens to
lead a smaller weekend workshop the following weekend. that's how we
roll, of course.

it's beautiful here, and it feels good to have a full schedule for the
week. i'm ready to roll that through to the rest of my life, and am
looking forward to settling down in germany for a while to figure out
the next moves. there is this silent nudge-nudge to go back to nyc for a
few days at the end of april, but i'm getting really tired of traveling.
it would mean changing a flight from oslo to frankfurt and staying at
the airport to hop a plane to amsterdam, wait 12 hours, and then jump to
the states. that would be one long day. plus, i'm flying my friend jake
out to deutchland to help me film a yoga dvd that i plan to market to
guys who don't do yoga. it's called averagejoga: everyday yoga for the
everyday man.

yup. i'm going digital.

it is a little odd to come back to a place where i spent two weeks
training my sit bones off for acro-training. the island is a lot
different-- there has been a lot of rain in the past few months, which
means there is an abundance of green and flowers everywhere. the skies
are extremely clear, the days warm, and the nights windy and cool. it's
a nice melange of seasonal weather. i'm not too sure what the weather
will be like in the scandinavian countries, but i don't think it's gonna
be as warm as it is here.

let's keep our finger crossed, shall we?

        

everything here is fine. fine, fine, fine.

traveling from the middle east to austria? fine. settling into our friend's place? just fine. our workshops here in vienna all weekend? fine as wine. tomorrow, i hop on a plane to istanbul, and i imagine that should be just fine and, dare i say, dandy.

something brews below the surface. i believe that the word 'fine'-- just like the word 'interesting' or 'whatever'-- is a cop-out, filler word, the verbal equivalent of shrugging one's shoulders, looking away, and going 'meh!'

i'm really starting to grow tired of traveling, of going from country to country, of sleeping in different beds, of having to adjust to different time zones, local foods,cultural customs... which is everything my current path consists of. i'm really hungering for some regularity right about now. with a little more than one month to go before getting back to germany-- which should serve as home base for some time-- i'm entering the home stretch of this nomadic lifestyle. the itinerant terrain doesn't seem to be so conducive to a lazy stroll towards the finish line, however. nope, the next month is looks to stack on the most mileage i've done in a long time.

vienna to istanbul via plane. istanbul to lesvos via bus and ferry. lesvos to athens via overnight ferry. athens to monemvasia back to athens via car. athens to stockholm via plane. stockholm to oslo via train. oslo to frankfurt via plane. frankfurt to herxheim via car.

all in one month.

i'm ok with the traveling, really. i'm cool with the cultural change-- in fact, i really enjoy that the most. i can handle the random bedding situation. what's really bothering me is the backpack i'm carrying and the contents it contains. i am tired of wearing the same damn clothing all of the time. i've crossed so many different climate changes in so many different countries that packing to accommodate each possible forecast is nigh impossible while adhering to the airline maximum 20kg luggage limit. i end up wearing the same pair of jeans and rotate between three different shirts while layering every thicker piece of outwear i own in the cooler climates. it would have been easier to start colder and travel towards warmth, but fate has flipped the script.

the strange strain of homesickness i'm experiencing right now is centered around a full closet left behind at my parent's house in long island. walking through the wind-swept cobblestone streets of far-off places feeling more homeless than home-free, i can't help but question the presence of this newfound anchored attachment.  would any of the items there would be any different than the ones i have now? only a few things fit the body or the personality piloting it.

it's an odd feeling. i'm 78.5 kilos, or about 160 lbs. when i left nyc in august, i was 90 kilos. plus, there was little need to wear much more than some colorful shorts and a pair of sandals while living in india. julia used to joke about how funny i would look wearing a shirt. now she just wants me to eat more (don't worry, mom. i eat plenty. i'm healthy and strong.).

concern for my appearance was one thing i've never really worried much about, as i've always felt very comfortable in my surroundings and with myself. however, as my options for comfortable clothing are extremely limited-- as is my capacity for carrying it with me-- and my surroundings constantly changing, i am at somewhat of a loss to do much more than look forward to settling down in one place and find a routine to rectify.

in the meantime, going shopping only serves to frustrate me more. i can't seem to find anything i like, and when i do, it either isn't my size or isn't made for my gender. case and point: bench apparel. bench is an amazing clothing brand based in the uk who offers some really well-made fashionably technical gear. however, whereas the womens line has an assortment of cool looking gear-- replete with thumb holes (heaven-sent), parallel front double-zips for ventilation, and usefully fashionable collars-- any item in the mens line that i've found so far looks like american apparel in the year 2145. additionally, all of the cool stuff for women is almost half the price as the less-spectacular mens line. considering that i don't have that much euro to throw around, i just walk on by.

i didn't care that i don't have health insurance after getting in a serious motorcycle accident in vietnam. it hasn't bothered me that i've put off my college loans until further notice. i haven't thought twice about purchasing any of the plane tickets or various items necessary to get from from yoga studio a to yoga studio b. my life lately has found a nice balance between not taking money out of the bank while not putting any in. i'm thinking it's time to stop padding my mattress with bank notes and seriously start tipping the scales in a positive direction.for the first time since i left nyc back in 2007, i'm feeling the crunch of not having the full-time job. why? because i can't find nor buy the clothing i want.

how funny is that? i can't help but feel a little bit better and a little more thankful for the life i have if my biggest issue is not having enough money to buy nicer clothes. fine, whatever. at the end of the day, it's all good.

        

every exhale is a celebration, and every inhale a preparation to celebrate. be it solemn, inspiring, enthusiastic, or observant, this celebratory breath honors the moment. out here in the desert, i often find myself breathing quite deeply. there is plenty to honor, even if only to honor an effort to remain open to new experience.

today is my last day in abu-dhabi after two remarkable weeks. i arrived here balancing delicately between having no expectations and hugely sharp ones. this reflected itself on my last day in india as i choose what items to pack and what to send home. i'll be spending 20 days in the middle east. the middle east is in the desert. the desert is hot and dry. the emirates are a muslim country. i'm going to need proper clothing-- long sleeves and respectfully casual attire. i've been living in india. i don't really have many long sleeves or much respectfully casual attire. all i have are bright colors, cowboy shirts, and yoga clothing. from what i've gathered, everyone there is wearing long, flowing robes and headwraps. i don't even think i can hold hands with or-- gasp!!-- kiss julia in public. great. i guess we'll have to just wing it.

as it turns out, abu-dhabi is much more than the fashion and cultural equivalent of a 1950's high school dance for wizards. i've gotten by rocking my colorblind cowboy chic, and managed to drop into a very busy work schedule. we only had two days of workshops scheduled when we arrived, and we punch out from working overtime after a 40 hour work week. india creates an open space for one to easily reinvent themselves, although invention is just a brief spark in the wind. application stokes the fire of evolution, and as darwin would have it, the middle east has been a supportive environment as my bodywork experience evolves.

the days have been full of private yoga, inversion therapy, and four-hands abhiyanga (oil massage) sessions with julia for the local yogis. we've run through almost a litre of sesame oil as we soothe other bodies muscles while testing out own. i've learned way more than i've taught-- from my partner, from the people in our classes, from the culture-- a characteristic of life which i happily wish to continue. my body, however, is tired from a constant expenditure of energy combined with the struggles of reacclimation from india to a more western country. different food, different weather, and a lot more air conditioning and malls. wake up. cold. walk outside. hot. go to supermarket. cold. walk to mall. hot. buy new headwrap. totally cool. walk to beach. hot. cab home. cold. do yoga. hot.

we've been good about seeing as much as we can while working as much as we can. two days ago, we went to the desert for off-road excitement across the dunes, camel rides, and shisha under the stars. it was pretty extreme, but then again, everything in this place is pretty extreme. even the school system is pretty extreme, in that you will find 23 kids from 23 different countries in one class. we jumped at the opportunity to sit in on while our friend taught her 1st grade class at the canadian international school.

that was an interesting day, to say the last. out transition from abu-dhabi to dubai started at 6am. if there is one thing constant between every here and there i've seen during my to and fro, school teachers wake up early everywhere. the middle east is no exception. after spending all morning with an assortment of curious and excited children, we ducked out of the classroom into a quiet office to receive a phonecall from siobhan leyden, a popular radio talk show host on the ARN. somebody told somebody else something about our whatever, and we got an email from ms. leyden requesting an interview to hype our upcoming workshops at zen yoga in dubai.

naturally, we accepted... on the condition, of course, that it would not interfere with our prior arrangement to perform in front of the whole student body of the canadian international school. now, we've had some fun audiences for our performances, but nothing can quite compare to the echoing screams of 250 enthusiastic children in a cavernous gymnasium. i'm pretty sure that is the best environment to fully enjoy the true sound of oooooh and aaaaaaah. business as usual, i suppose. toss julia around on my feet, sweat a lot, play with children. all in a days work, and it was only 1:34pm.

after school ended, laila drove with us to dubai, a city which is a strange hybrid of gotham city and the movie brazil. buildings seem to go up and down with realative impunity and without any regard for the laws of nature right in front of your eyes. we knew where we had to go, and still we got lost. baffling. we've been comfortably received and nested in a nicely-appointed master bedroom in a suite on the 17tth floor of a residential apartment complex that looks exactly like 15 others in close proximity. hidden in plain sight amidst an urban suburban sprawl.

the evening was to wind down at a cafe and artists space called the jam jar. we were invited to the birthday celebration of a local filmmaker who wished to enter his 30th year among friends and yogis. i immediately felt at home in a large, spacious renovated warehouse filled with modern art and creative supplies available for all to use. we moved, we flew, we breathed, and we meditated. there were even samosas! it was a quite enjoyable entrance to yet another dynamic facet of the middle eastern crown jewel.

        

it is because of this man that i've decided to build a tandoor oven when i settle in germany:




indian people love to stare, they love to crowd, and they love westerners doing acrobatics. we made 7 rupee that day!




q: what sounds like a nightmare and shines like a drawer of knives?
a: an indian marching band.




this is what it is like when you try to find a seat in general class on a midnight train from haridwar to varanasi. note the people hanging out of the doors. note them.