on a plane again. in transit, in time, in effort to get from one place to another. the all-too-familiar taste of canned air marked by the constant turbine roar. a plethora of point As and point Bs from the past couple of months bubble up, bringing me back to an old mantra:

connecting the dots.

on my way back to nyc for thanksgiving for the first time in years. keeping in theme with the blessed simplicity of the holiday, I’ve got much to be thankful for.

setting roots in florida has been an interesting experience, not for the lack of fertile soil. i’ve been blessed by the presence of a handful of extremely supportive natives, so to speak, that have welcomed me to their strange, new land and show me how to work it. the potential for a cold, challenging winter was definitely high, especially for a nomad looking to find safe harbor after a worldwide whirlwind journey.

during my time in town in September, there were a few red carpets unrolled.

‘dude, I’ve been praying for a power base co-teacher to come help me build up the community down here. for years. seriously, scott… years. if you come down here, I will do everything I can to help get you set up. stay at my place. drive my car. use my scooter. you can even rock my longboard. beach life is fun. get up on this shit.’

sounds great, ari. how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘love, we need a strong, safe make yoga teacher like yourself down here. there’s a lot of space and potential for a guy like yourself teaching what you’re looking to teach. I’d love to have you on staff here at red pearl yoga. do it. DO IT!’

well, karen, how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘scott, that was an amazing session. I’m really interested in what you’re doing, and think it relates directly to what I work with. the idea of building trust through a practice conscious exploration of movement is a powerful offering, and combined with a strong theoretical understanding of self-empowerment, the potential for creating great things for a great many people is huge. I’d love to explore that with you.’

i feel the same way, ruben, how can i turn down an offer like that?

‘scotty, it would be so great to have you nearby. you don’t even have to visit all that much. just knowing you’re a phone call away makes me simile. you can come over for dinner anytime you want.’

that’s very sweet, gramma, how can i turn down an offer like that?

dot after dot after dot appeared, and a very detailed picture began to reveal itself. there was a great deal of dots to connect, mind you, but i could make out a very real picture of home. it took it as a good sign that the dots began to connect themselves while i was out of the country.

the picture is there. i just need to stay committed to putting pen of choice to the paper of immediate destiny. with a little effort, the right amount of time and dedication, sooner or later that picture will become more and more complete. simple enough, right?

right.
well, more like right now.
for right now, i’m sure-unsure. i know exactly what needs to be done, yet am not sure how to do it. i’m sure i want to do it, but i’m not sure i really want to.

i’m meta-sure.

there is a great potential for most basic tasks performed by most beings of complexity to go from molehill to mountain due to an inability to stay committed simplicity. that last sentence is a perfect example. instead of spending figuring out the clearest (dare i say cleverist?) way to thread words together, i could have easily just have said the following:

when it comes to connecting the dots, we tend to complicate things.

and whoooooo boy, there is a large part of me that really wants to conduct a symphony of second-guesses and doubts strummed across sensitive heartstrings.

maybe you know the scenario: the picture is obvious—it’s not fully there, but we see it. often, it’s even given a title: a day at the beach, fun at the zoo, building a home. all we need to do is pick up a pen to connect those little steps and poof!—a clear image appears. then again, what type of pen should we use? do we have to do it all now? what if it gets boring? what if I mess up? do i really wanna do this?

just seeing the dots sometimes seems good enough. it’s a duck, of course, why do i need waste my time? why not just look at a photo of a duck than have to create my own boxy-looking duck?

thankfully, there is a much larger part of me that observes this other part, and effectively uses that feedback to support the process of settling in. hence, meta-sure… oh, i’m sure i wanna do exactly what I’m doing, but it would be a complete lie to say that I’m 100% sure all the time.

of course, i experience doubt. on a daily basis, no less. it brings me closer to the picture at hand. it means i care about what’s going on, about the success, about the journey, about the process of doing whatever it is i’m doing. both sides of the surface reflect extremes in each direction while maintaining clarity in fluid balance.

or something like that.

i’m a nomad that dreams of home, an equanimous yogi and a fiery Gemini. a stable tree and agile monkey. meta-sure and mighty ready.